We all know that it’s definitely not as easy as it looks when it comes to the dating circuit. While dating mixers and local dances might have worked just fine for our grandparents, for our generation, meeting that special someone is becoming more and more reliant on you having an online profile at one or more dating sites. But where do the people who hate RSVP but love Radiohead go? Where are the sites that offer similar interests so that we can find a match on a more conversation based level before taking the narcissistic high road to find love? Jane Fayle takes a look into the mysterious world of music dating sites.
Generally, people with more ambiguous interests tend to find it a little difficult on your average online dating site. You can spend hours trawling through thousands of potential suitors only to find at the end of it that they do not have one major interest in common with you. And that interest is music. Paul Warner from IndieDating.com, a site dedicated to all things Indie says his idea started “at university one of the first questions that we’d ask a girl we liked was, what music are you into? The theory being that if they liked music at the complete other end of the spectrum to us a relationship would struggle to get started.”
This idea has been something that has played on my mind for a while and I wanted to find out more about the success rate for music lovers of the slightly obscure kind. These sites that offer music as the forefront of what they are about lend themselves not only to conjuring relationships, but also friendships.
“I have received emails over the years thanking me for making the site, as the person had found their partner on there, including a few who have got married. There are also some users who have met and started dating on the site and stuck around to use the forum as they had made other friends along the way,” says Neil Walden from AltScene.
Looking at people that live in smaller cities where their interests may not be as prevalent, it becomes easy to see why online dating forums are a convenient outlet for many. A lot of the time these sites are situated around different gigs and festivals that trigger a discussion online before meeting in person. The team at Single Ravers believe that “social media has become a major part of people’s lives. We are always on our phone taking pictures or checking our social media accounts. It’s become second nature for the younger generation. Finding someone online gives people an opportunity to really get to know the other person in a setting where they are comfortable.” With music as a particular interest, going to a gig could be your first date instead of meeting for that overly awkward drink where you pray you won’t bump into anyone you know.
But I often feel a little disheartened thinking about the whole online dating phenomenon, it’s hard not to get past the thought of what happened to meeting your soulmate the old fashioned way – in real life. “At the end of the day the majority of people who join an online dating site are setting out to find someone that they will want to meet up with in person and potentially have a relationship with. I just see online dating sites as a tool to enable people to increase their chances of finding their ideal partner rather than relying on luck that they will bump into someone during their daily lives,” says Walden.
It does make sense when you think about it. If you really are into a particular genre of music in the way that you live and breathe it, and you’re on a site that allows you to meet someone with the same ideas or interest, the start of a conversation will flow in a much more natural way. With music as a particular interest, going to a gig could be your first date instead of meeting for that overly awkward drink where you pray you won’t bump into anyone you know. It takes a bit of the edge off and if music is a big part of who you are then it will certainly play a huge role in what you like to do in your spare time.
Mathias Krizanac from TechnoDating says, “Most of the women I met didn’t like techno and would get annoyed when I was hanging around with friends at vinyl stores or techno clubs.” It does make it difficult when a partner gets annoyed at the things you enjoy doing. I mean we’ve all heard the saying opposites attract but if we are completely different in every way does it put a strain on the relationship? Obviously, this doesn’t relate to everyone, but for fans of online dating it is nice to know there is a place where you can easily find people with a similar passion. “It is just a first step for singles that want to go out and meet somebody, but are shy or do not have enough courage,” Krizanac says.
The whole ideal seems a little more fun, more about sharing a hobby and if you do find someone you want to meet up with then that’s a bonus. It takes the forcefulness of the whole online dating world away and leaves you with an open dialogue that you feel comfortable talking about. So, if you’re single and an avid music fan… why not?
To read my original post from SPOOK Magazine please click here.